So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
