at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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