Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
