I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
