so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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