Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
