That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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