I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
