Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
