did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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