i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
