After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love you. Go after that dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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