My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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