im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
