If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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