There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
