When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
