highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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