Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
