hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
