He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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