Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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