I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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