Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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