There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
