Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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