At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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