Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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