summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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