fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
