So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
