I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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