Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize