If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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