im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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