I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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