She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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