yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
