so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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