One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
