don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize