i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
