I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
