I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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