To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
