haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
