I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
