naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
