I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
