you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
