This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
