I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
