he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
