I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
