just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize