I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.