very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.