Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.