why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
