My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
