If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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