unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
