i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize