Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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