when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
