I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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