thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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