My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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