Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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