3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dick has a subreddit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
